Right now I am enjoying another workaction in Duluth. The weather is beautiful and I am taking full advantage of being a trophy wife 😉 That’s right, room-service in bed for breakfast, walks along Lake Superior, reading in the hot tub, dinner at our favorite restaurant. Livin’ the dream.
Right now I am feeling back to my normal self after being off the new drug I tried. Feeling much better. I hated feeling so unlike myself, so detached.
Right now I am hoping that my blood counts come up on Friday so I don’t have to start a new therapy and make more big decisions. But I have grown so accustomed to the constant waiting 2 weeks to see how things are that it doesn’t really bother me anymore. The watching and waiting has become my new normal. Patience has definitely been a trait I’ve developed through this experience.
Right now I am thinking about this article I read on my Flipboard yesterday (for any of you hoping the iPad references will be stopping anytime soon, you can give that up now). Super interesting article that made me miss writing papers in college. Oh yes, I am that nerd that misses the ten page papers. One thing that really resonated with me in this article was when she talked about learning to just embrace life as a single person instead of living in expectation for what comes next. While our circumstances are different, the same holds true for me. I am learning to embrace life without children, learning to live in the present and let go of expectations for the future.
Right now I am having lots of fun being crafty and am starting to gear up for Christmas crafts. Lots and lots of pinning on Pinterest going on right now. Eventually I’ll have to get down to the actual crafting though…
Right now I am feeling incredibly grateful for the amazing friends and connections I have been making through my blog. It feels so good to find people going through the same kinds of things that I am going through, people who understand and share my experiences. Makes me feel much less like I’m the only person in the world with PNH or unable to have children.
Right now I am reading “The Land Between” as my first faith based book of my 30th year (and also as my first book on my iPad I must add). It is so fitting for where I am at in my life right now. Really, really love this quote from the book, “Whether we age with grace and poise or become bitter, resentful people is largely determined by our response to disappointment and the habits of response that often result.” So true. I work everyday at responding with grace and developing good habits in response to the challenging things in my life.
Right now I am feeling more and more at peace with our decision to move forward with our lives without children. That’s not to say there aren’t still moments when it is incredibly hard. But those moments are fewer and farther between, and I am much more focused on the positives that this decision brings to our lives. I feel relieved and filled with peace which was something I could never say when I was fighting for a baby.